I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
