kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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