1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
