He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
