So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
