i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
