Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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