ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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