She is in my trunk
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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