apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
organizing the empties. That sober.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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