I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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