you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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