The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
