wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
