Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
