if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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