haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
