He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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