Where did you get a picture of my penis
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
