I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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