first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she looked like the before picture.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
