Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
