i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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