I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
