Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
