I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
