We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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