i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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