If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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