I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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