yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
