yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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