sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
