she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
