went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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