So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
