So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
