she smelled like a LAN party
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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