I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
