Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
