When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
