why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
