This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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