STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
