Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
