New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
