you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
