i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
