It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
