he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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