so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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