Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
