Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
